Today I learned

Today I digested the message of my late grandmother's favorite poem:

·       I have wept in the night

For the shortness of sight

That to somebody’s need

I was blind.

But I never have yet

Felt a twinge of regret

For being a little too kind

I made a decision that inconvenienced me, but served another. 

I have no regret.

Today I felt sexy

Rare for someone who has...

gained 40 pounds in the past 4 years

squeezed 9 pounds of human through her hips

often smells of crasins and foot odor

feels 20 years older than her birth certificate proves

carries chapstick with her makeup

considers showering regularly a major accomplishment

shaves less than once per week

pops more zits in a day than you do in a month

Amazing what a little makeup, a new haircut, and a striking dress will do.

Today I was spoiled

I didn't eat, meet for, snag, or even survive lunch. This afternoon I experienced lunch at Pizzeria 712. Pampered with incredible food, inspiring company, and sincere service, I felt that I had crossed a new line into fine dining that DI shoppers rarely enjoy.

I took one giant step closer to checking another life goal off of the list: vacationing back east with my handsome Mr. Farrer. We'll reminisce, eat deep dish pizza, and stroll through the Smithsonian.

I stepped into the life of a movie star - pampered with fine gowns, sexy hair styling, killer makeup, and sincere compliments.

All thanks to our beloved Johnsons.

Today I kept a secret

Let's face it, we all have gas. Some times are worse than others. Today was one of those times for me. Apparently, my digestive system wanted to share my delicious BBQ pork pizza lunch with everyone in the room - a full room. The trick is to keep your escapees under wraps - no noise, no smell, no vibrations.

This evening, I was a victorious magician.

Today I rested

For 30 minutes this afternoon, I had nothing to do. No homework to study, no child to entertain, no mess to clean up, no errands to run, no e-mails to write or phone calls to return, no meetings or appointments.

I celebrated by laying on the sofa and doing absolutely nothing. Savoring every second.

Thank heaven for a day of rest.

Today I am a Farrer

I have finally completed my process of inititation into the Farrer family.

At first, my time with the clan was spent in the fetal position. Praying for the noise, the fighting, and the wrestling to stop. Wishing I was with my own one-person-speaks-softly-at-a-time family.

Tonight, after four long years of hazing, I was able to sit in one room with:

fourteen people

six multi-player wii games

five different conversations

four hours of "Farrer Fumes"

three electronic toys playing different sounds/songs

two laptops

one movie

at the same time

and relax.

I'm still lightyears behind Ben, though. He sleeps through it all!

Today I felt appreciated

A silly scenario, but a big impact.

I was having trouble getting into a group for an online class project. Each attempt was blocked or rejected. Deep inside I felt like a loser. Unwanted. Like high school.

Then someone reached out. She gave me a sweet compliment and asked to be my partner.

I felt like a million dollars. The closest thing to a hug that the internet can provide.

I was too occupied with my self-pity to do that for someone else.

Today I was inspired

My history professor shared his memory of his first day attending integrated high school. The whites were irritated. The blacks were terrified. He was asked to pick up some supplies from the old black school – there were no desks, no windows, and no functioning bathrooms. He tearfully encouraged us to think of the people who gave their lives for the cause of equal rights.

What am I willing to give my life for?

Today I said goodbye

This morning I was pregnant. I shopped online for baby clothes and gear, I drew a floor plan of the nursery, I pictured a little boy playing next to my daughter.

Now, I am alone.

But I am still his mother. He is still my son. This separation is temporary.

I wasn’t ready to teach him, so he is teaching me.

Today I found my nest

When I was little, my mom kept a brightly-colored floral sleeping bag stored under her bed. When we were scared in the night and needed her comforting touch, we would pull out the bag, snuggle inside, and fall back to sleep, clutching her hand draped over the side of the bed. We called it "the nest."

Today, I found my new nest. The small haven where I will create and nurture my education. A heavenly little library chair and ottoman enveloped in silence and light. Little does this chair know how close we will grow together over the next two years.

He needs a name.